Let's go somewhere far away;

Hehehe I totally forgot the existence of my own blog until this afternoon.

And so I've decided to remove the virtual 'spiderweb' that has been filling up this page by inserting some words of wisdom after such a long time. Lol.

Anywayy..

Life has been great.

Hmm..

Great?

I think so.

Well, of course I'd been through a number of ups and downs but eventually I'm still alive and kicking. It's really true that when people say 'What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger.'

I'm thankful for the people who have been with me through all these times.

Grateful for whatever that has been given to me, for I've lived everyday with anticipation and excitement in me, allowing me to overlook the fact that I'm stuck at a small and plain town, with not much except for the vast meters of corn fields available. Haha.

I hope those of you who are reading this, are enjoying your life too, because sometimes the glass is actually half-full instead of half-empty.

:)

And to someone out there, I hope you find your happiness soon.

I hope you live your life to the fullest, as though you'd never met me before.

As bad as I may feel at times, I know this is the best for the two of us, and that we'd be happier in time to come.

Good luck, and I sincerely wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart.

-

For now, I can only cross my fingers, close my eyes and hope.

Pray for the best and that we'd be able to cross obstacles and encounter challenges with a brave front.

I don't want to try to predict about what the future will be, because sometimes when I try to prepare myself for the worst,

it just hurts.

It just hurts too badly to think that I'd be losing someone important to me.

Someone who'd crossed my path and opened up a new chapter in my life,

leading me through confusion and darkness, allowing me to see the roses hidden beneath the thorns that prick.

Now I understand what it means, when you choose to let go of those who matter to you, because you love them too much that you put their happiness before your very own.

When the time comes that we'd be separated for good,

I'd release your hand and wave you goodbye

with a smile on my face and a tear in my eye.

Indiana- Bloomington

Phewww I'm back.

I wonder if anyone still bothers to drop by here.
But it's ok cuz I don't really blog often nowadays. Just can't be bothered to anymore.
Unless,
there's really something stuck inside me that I just can't tell anyone.
The feeling of hving to compress & condense em altogether,
the voice inside me that I've been trying to keep away,
the denial that I've been going through.

But this time, I know there's no going back anymore.
I wish I could come up with reasons good enough to defend and keep this going on.
I wish I could be strong enough to fight through all these obstacles that we're going through.
I wish I could wake up the next day without having to fear that I'd be facing another fight with you.

Why do you have to make it seem so hard.

Everyday it gets harder and harder to breathe.

Goodbye California

Yes, the title of the post says it all;

I'm done with college in California, and I have left Cupertino, the city where I spent most of my days at.

So now I'm blogging away in Indonesia, while at the same time resenting the slow internet connection that I have here.

I need to say this out now:

I MISS CUPERTINO.

Oh no, I miss the United States.

Even though sometimes I wish to be back in my home country to devour all of the wonderful dishes they've got here, I think I find myself suited better for the U.S.

I woke up in a shock this morning because I had a bad dream last night.

Actually it wasn't really a bad dream, but rather, I dreamt of my experiences in the U.S and I realized how much I really miss those days there.

In addition, you're so far away. And in about a month, we will be even further away.

So far so far so far so far so far.

And so miserable. Huu T.T

Just one note before I end this post,

I wish I could've bid all of them goodbye before I set foot in the San Francisco Airport.

Because there are just too many words left unspoken,

too many actions left undone.

This is so terrible I want to fast-forward timeeee :(

Sometimes, I just wanna run away.

Life sucks.

I wish I could fast forward time and skip all these boring parts.

At times I really think that my eyes will dry up like raisins because

I cry so much nowadays.

Just too much.

Goodbye.

I'll stop pretending that the world gives a damn about me. :)

55 days left

Fifty-five days to whaaat?

Before you start counting to what date it is going to be, let me enlighten you by stating that it is gonna be the 6th July, the day I'm going to depart from Cupertino, California.

Fifty-five days left.

If I sit down and reflect, there are just too many things that I would like to do before I leave this city. The number of restaurants and the type of food that I have yet to taste or would like to eat again; the people I need to catch up with, the lost contacts and the "passer-bys" during the 1.5 years that I have spent here; the activities I would like to do; the packing, the clearing, the reminiscing... Ah.

Winter 2008.
Marina, Sunnyvale, Kum, Stefani, SQ, Audi, Placement tests, Andree, Debby, Pak Hendratna, Citibank, MATH1A, Withdraw, In-n-out, Crazy Buffet, J&J, Jamba Juice, 12AM trips to Lucky, Accused of being a rat by Oumi & Geovanni, Gained 10 kg, Late night calls, Birthday at Raymond's, Getting together at Hamptons, Blacklist paper, Business 10 at Hansen's, Farewell at Airport when Herian left, Kum & Tou getting lost in SF, Thrashing at Marina's, Debby arguing with Marina due to electricty bills, New house, IFGF, Six Flags Vallejo, Thai Cafe, Durian Ice Cream from Marco Polo, 21 at AMC...

Spring 2008.
Glenbrook, Mel Alim helped to fix the sofa, Top Cafe afterwards, IFGF every Sunday, Skager, Ben Choi, Arts2B C, Late night workouts, Kum's delicious sushis, Cleaning up of the apartment every 2 weeks, Dispute in the group, Thrashing session at Glenbrook, Milpitas dinner with D'z etc and got into "trouble", Received complaint from Glenbrook when it was only Kum and I at home singing, Indo...

Fall 2008.
Theresia's birthday party, Mikki, Toopie, late night surprise, Awesome bread pudding, Mi La Cay, Raymond's new car, Great America trip after Ryowa just to take photos, Tutorial Centre, Quickly, Simply Thai, Msn Conversations, Ahai, Shiok, Satura Cake, Highway 9, Christmas holiday wasted due to sleeping disorder, ate breakfast at 7pm at Cheesecake Factory, Denny's, Starbucks, Baking cookies...

Winter 2009.
EWRT1B Pesano, late nights due to Business Law, Applying to Universities, 30 minute walks to Korean Fusion, Took the long trip to Bayleaf when it was faster to take bus 54 actually, Bus trips to Denny's/ Bayleaf/ Korean Fusion/ Valleyfair/ Santanarow/ and caltrain to SF, True Religion, Rock n Republic, Sun Wu Kong, Borobudur...

Spring 2009.
Gym, Chicken breasts, Steamed veges...?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaAAAAAA

Sometimes I wish I could go up straight to people,
and not be afraid to let them know how much I'd missed them,
how much I'd longed to be with them once again.

Sometimes I wish I could be more daring,
and not hold back from admitting that
I really wish to spend every moment with you.

But each time I try to express myself,
they are just vain efforts to prove that I'd lost so many things.
They are merely signs of impossibility, disappoinments, and regrets.
It makes it even clearer how different things are now. How pathetic.
How sad.
How lonely.


Fifty-five more days.

Will these memories fade when I leave this town?

Are you okay?

Are you?

& so I shudder upon the image of the new 'you',

No, I don't know you no more.

I want to be a better person.

It's just the moodswing that I've been having lately.

I become more sensitive, more emotional, and I think too much.

Maybe it's partly because I really have nothing to do and this leads to negativity.

I realized how different I am now compared to last time.

Now, I don't just accept things on their surface value.

I don't just listen and forget words.

Instead, I interpret them. I link them together. I derive a conclusion alone.

I hate it when I think too much.

I hate it when I start thinking negatively.

I hate it when I feel that I have distanced from so many people and that I am desperately and pathetically alone.

I hate it when the future seems so uncertain.

I hate it when my heart starts hurting.

I hate it when I start hurting him.

I hate it so much when my vision starts blurring,

because inevitably tears just can't stop flowing.

They just won't stop.

No matter how many times I chant to myself and constantly repeat that I gotta hold myself back together and stop it. Just stop.

When there's nobody at home, I feel so lonely.

Never have I felt like this before, I am used to being alone.

I am too used to being alone and lonely.

But why do I feel like this now.

I don't wanna be selfish no more.

I don't wanna hurt no more.

Can I just sleep and wake up, thinking that tomorrow will be a better day, and that all these troubles will go away?